I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
