I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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