I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
