sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
