The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
