1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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