I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
