She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
