It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
