Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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