He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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