watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
