yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
