Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Found your dick twin last night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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