i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
