so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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