i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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