***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We just shotgunned beers for America
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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