so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Randomize
