I'm really into asian looking animals
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize