My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
