So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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