I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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