he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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