She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
