Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize