Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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