i permit you to call me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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