Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
