I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
