i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
