how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
