Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
