Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
