I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
