Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
