So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
