matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
