good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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