is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
