is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
