He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
