my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
