I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
