i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
