omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
