i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
