she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
