So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
