Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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