Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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