Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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