I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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