hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
