just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
