you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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