I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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