my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
