drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
